vertigo

to explain her would take years -
my life consists of half-hazard plans sketched out on napkins and crumpled paper,
promises that are made broken and good intentions that never come to pass.
this stage in my life is like an inferno, i'm trying to walk through this fire without
getting synged, and i'm failing.
i keep my spirits and my wit to keep the gravity of my mistakes from sending me into
vertigo

I am so excited today. I wish I could tell you why.
My skull is tired but I have this internal pleased pleasantness.

Life is a placement of one foot, the balance on one foot
on a staircase of air with the extremities of feigning deaths
crashing happily below on the cliffs of these apt failings.

I am to die tonight but all I can do is grimace a grin
in this happy delirium.

Excuse these commendations you take so plainly,
my heart cannot contain this utter bliss.
I love you so much. I must die trying to make you mine.

There is a part of me that craves excitement, the newness I seek in my life of routine and monotone screams of pain I have turned a deaf ear to, as backdrop music to this life I have become so accustomed to.
There is a part of me that believes in enriching the seeds I have sown, maintaining the friends I have made, building on the ever-possibilities of me life - here - the limit to which I have barely begun to explore, full of excitement and memories yet to be had.
I am torn at my heart between these worlds of change and possibilities I hold in the palms of my hands outstretched before my eyes, as beautiful crystal globes full of all that is life yet to be tapped, to be shaken, to be stirred into mine.